Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Living Out Of My Head

My book club read The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes for our most recent meeting.  And overall, we liked it.  It was a short book about aging, relationships, memories, and the way one perceives history.  I recommend.

There was one line in the book, though, that really jumped out to me.  Note - I forgot to highlight it on my Kindle and don't really have time or desire to try to locate it now, so I'll paraphrase.  It said something like: when you're young, you dream about what your life will become and all the things you will do; when you're old, you look back and dream about what you should have done.

And this stuck with me.  When I was a little kid, there were times when I completely lived in my head.  (This could also be called "having a big imagination.")  But I used to go on solitary walks or hit tennis balls against our garage door for hours and just think.  I'd dream about what I would do "when I grew up" or I'd write multiple novels or movies in my head.  (I had friends, too, mind you.  But I also had no problem being alone.)

When I got a little older, a lot of my dreams centered around "when I get married..."  Or "when I have kids..."

Ummmm - I'm there now.  I'm married and have a child.

And on the flip side actually, now that I am married with a child, occasionally I find myself thinking, "I should've done _______ before Bates was born," or "______ would've been so much easier to accomplish before I got married."  And I'm not that old!  I can't imagine what a lifetime of "I should haves" looks like!

And so here I am now; I want to commit to at least try to get out of my head.  Instead of dreaming, I want to start doing.  And I want to stop using the excuse "now isn't a good time," because really, I'm not sure there will ever be a good time for anything.

The goal now is to figure out what that actually looks like!  What should I do to get out of my head?

1 comment:

LB said...

Hmm well this probably seems obvious but maybe you could pick one of those "I should've done" things and map out a plan to do it while married with a kid...then you'd really be a badass.

But meanwhile you should tell those of us without kids what kinds of things we should be doing besides like, working / watching tv / rinse / repeat.