Friday, June 25, 2010

Unacceptable Facebook Behavior

1) Posting something "witty" every couple hours.  Not ok.  Use Twitter for such frequency.

2) Starting every single post with "Dear _____" and then saying something witty to the proverbial person.  Boooor-innnnng.  A Dear Whomever post is funny every now & then - no more than that.

3) Trying to get attention by:
          a) Posting something intriguing/mysterious/ambiguous, but not explaining
          b) Posting about an illness or injury (unless the illness/injury was acquired in a unique way or the illness/injury is actually quite serious and/or life-threatening)
          c) Writing something specifically to "you" (ie, "why do you constantly make my heart burn with desire?")

4) Posting vehemently about politics.  Keep it light, folks.

5) Writing really long status updates - again, there's got to be another online outlet for that (a blog, maybe?).

6) Writing back & forth with your spouse (I'd say "significant other" - but I guess I could maybe see how a young relationship would possibly do this to flirt?) - but if you guys have been seeing each other more than a year (or are married to each other), just talk about it at home or via text/email.

7) Using pet names in reference to your significant other (ie, "my baby is so sweet, he got me flowers!!!!" or "good luck at work today, babe, I love you!").

8) Going through all your birthdays and sending birthday wishes at the same time - especially when you say the same thing & it's a little quirky.  I signed on today and saw five in a row from the same guy, seconds apart from each other, "Happy Birthday _______, good job being born."

9) The same guy from #8 (the "good job being born" guy) didn't send me birthday wishes on my birthday.  He sends them to everyone.  We were the same year in school.  Our parents houses have been next door to each other since 1991!  He still lives in that house with his parents, next door to mine.  He parks in my mom's garage!  Like, he has a garage opener & that's his permanent parking place!

10) Farmville, Family Feud, Mafia Wars, Sorority Life, etc.

11) Posting the same thing twice on different accounts.  So, if you have a personal page AND a work page, posting the same thing on both, so both are right on top of each other in the news feed.

12) Taking dumb quizzes & asking others to take them too.  What color/animal/number/season/douche/tree are you?

13) Saying "goodnight" every night.

And can I just say a small grievance I have with the Facebook app for iPhone:

If you're looking through your list of friends and click one millimeter too far to the right on a person who has their phone number listed, it CALLS THEM!  There's no pop up asking "do you want to place this call" (as there is in the google app) - it just does it - goes straight to the phone!  I don't know about you, but I can think of a good handful of people I don't want to accidentally call.

Did I miss any more unacceptable Facebook behavior??  Happy weekend!


Amy said...

LOVE this post. It's all so true (and ridiculous).

Last weekend someone, who shall remain nameless, went to Vegas with some of his friends. I know this because of 1) the pre-vacation wall posts back and forth that began about two weeks out and 2) the constant updates and mobile uploads all weekend about how much fun they were having.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure they had a blast (so glad). BUT. If I were really having the time of my life, would I be posting about it on FB every hour or so? Mmm...maybe not. The worst was when one of them wrote an update and the other commented on it! These 28 year old dudes are together, in Vegas, probably lying in a bed together (whoops, did I say that?) posting on each other's walls instead of turning their head sideways and just saying whatever they have to say.

Okay, I'm being a biiatch now, I know...

Sarah said...

I love this post. I am in constant awe of the misuse of facebook. I have a few to add.

1) Changing your relationship status the day after your relationship changes if you are older than 18.

2) Leaving your settings so that anyone that lives in the same city as you can see most of your profile. If so, be prepared to be FB stalked.

3) Having any status that says... Happy XXX Day to the "best dad/sister/husband etc in the world!"

I'm glad I don't have an iphone because the accidental calling scares me quite a bit. I have enough problems with my blackberry doing that to people in my contacts when I don't have it locked. Also, #9 by my far my favorite in your list. Hahaha.

LB said...

Hahaha. Love this. I have really wanted to make a website about inappropriate FB behavior (although I'm sure it exists somewhere). There's so much of it out there!!! My favorite is the angry over-sharing. "Days sucks now that I found out Chip let some slut sleep over last night." No wrath like a woman scorned, right??

Claire said...

Haha, agree with Sarah. Saw a post in the last few days from #9 saying the exact same thing. I am perfectly fine with 1) blocking people, or 2) hiding updates from friends who post waaay too many. Or "friends" who aren't actually my friends. I "clean" my list every several months and suggest you do the same.